The longer I am married the more I learn about it. The younger me thought marriage was just a piece of paper, living together, sharing responsibilities, and being romantically/sexually involved. I gave little to no thought about what it means to be spiritually connected. As the years have gone by I’ve realized there is a great longing to be connected at a deeper level; not only with my spouse but with my family in Christ. My heart longs to know the deeper things of Christ and how those things are working in my life and in others. So, you can imagine my surprise and joy when my husband and I shared coffee, early one morning, and he began to express his desire to not live as spiritual roommates any longer. I could barely contain myself as I sat there listening and holding on to each word. I spent the rest of that day thinking about our conversation over coffee and thanking God for answering my prayer (12 years after I first prayed it). Endurance is needed ladies.
When my husband used the term spiritual roommate it clicked for me. It wasn’t as if we were living a life of sin, separated from Christ. To the contrary, he was/is living life in close relationship with Christ, but much of that was only observed on my part. Very little would be expressed or shared verbally. And at times it was as if we were living spiritually separated while being married in every other way. Yes, we went to church together and prayed together regularly. We agreed our children ought to be raised in church and taught Biblical principles and what it means to be a follower of Christ. We agreed this life of faith had to be real and intimate and not just a box we checked off each Sunday. We were/are active in ministry and witness to the life changing power of God, but he rarely shared the deep intimate things he was experiencing spiritually.
We both have very different ways of walking out our faith and I am a sharer (maybe an overshare-er). I confide in trusted friends and family members. I seek out mentor-ship and relationships with fellow believers. I keep journals for dreams, prayers, and miracles and I share them with others, often. I gather women together in groups to study, grow, and heal. We are different and if we aren’t intentional with sharing with one another we can and will be disconnected spiritually.
For years I’ve heard women express a desire to be spiritually connected with their spouse and I too was/am one of those women. Many of us pray and ask God to build up our spouse to be the spiritual leader in our homes; that they will be strong and courageous and lead our families in a way that teaches our youth that being a spiritual man is not only acceptable, but the standard. Through this process I have learned we (women) can get in the way when we step into that role rather than encourage our spouse to take the reins. We have an idea of what spiritually leading should look like and that may not be the way he walks out his faith. I’ve learned through a lot of error, on my part, if we slow down, pray and trust in God he will work it out for His (God’s) glory and our families good. God sends hope right when we need it; right on time- never early or late. So, if you are a wife that longs to be spiritually connected with her husband you can learn from my mistakes and growth opportunities:
Keep praying and find opportunities to encourage him rather than complain and nag.
Be patient with your spouse as he steps out of his comfort zone in to uncharted territory.
Nudge him to lead prayer and devotionals in the home and celebrate him when he does.
Have a conversation with him about what being a spiritual leader means to him.
Let him know you have his back and you trust the Christ that is in him.
Resist the urge to take over and do it your way. This will send the message that he isn’t capable and make him feel even more insecure in this area.
· Rather than worry, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. God has given us this powerful resource and connection to Him and we often neglect to use it.
I don’t know about you, but personally I want to be connected to my spouse in every way, especially spiritually. Why live as spiritual roommates when you can cross that threshold of difficulty and live as husband and wife completely.