Victim Or Victor? We Have A Choice


A sad and undeniable truth is that we live in a world where everyday someone is abused physically, sexually, verbally and/or emotionally. People are discriminated against, falsely accused, imprisoned, and controlled by unjust systems. It is easy for us to feel powerless, hopeless, and stuck in a victim mindset.

Would you believe me if I told you we have a choice about the mindset we walk around with?

A victim mindset is destructive and prevents us from living the life we desire. A life free from bitterness, resentment, and hatred. When we walk around with a victim mindset we begin to believe the lies that tell us we are not capable, we don’t matter, we aren’t loveable, we aren’t strong or smart or worthy of happiness. In fact, it is easy for us to believe that there is something inherently wrong with us and that somehow we are responsible for the pain that was inflicted upon us or that we deserved it. All to often, we focus on the pain and are blinded to the fact that we have a choice in the matter.

Would you believe me if I told you we have a choice about the mindset we walk around with? Well it’s true, we do. We can choose to walk around with a victim mindset or we can choose to walk around in victory------a victor mindset.

A victor is one who is not free from pain or being treated unjustly. No, to the contrary. A victor has experienced as much pain as anyone else. The difference is they have made a choice to walk in strength and compassion. Strength to do the next hard-right thing and compassion towards themselves and others. They don’t allow bitterness to take root and prevent them from engaging in relationships. The victor mindset is a freedom mindset. A victor is able to trust again and shares that hope with others. Victors are survivors that have endurance and have experienced and continue to experience healing.

The change in mindset from victim to victor doesn’t happen overnight.

The change in mindset from victim to victor doesn’t happen overnight. Healing is a process. During this process, we ask ourselves-do I want to get better, do I want to change. The shift in mindset is a period of transition in which we make a decision to heal and take responsibility for our healing process. As we begin to walk in freedom, we take back what was stolen from us: hope, peace, strength, dignity, self-worth, respect, etc. Being a victor means walking in healing. This doesn’t mean you won’t have moments of doubt, fear, sadness, etc., but it does mean you are on the right path and no longer being controlled by the victim mindset. You have reached a point where you acknowledge that a wrong has occurred and it is painful. However, you do not allow it to control your actions and turn you into a person you do not want to be. You make a choice to be responsible for your emotional well-being. You have officially given the victim an eviction notice, effective immediately.  Below are some practical tips that can be easily incorporated into daily practice. These tips aren’t a guarantee that you will be free from the victim mindset, but they are a step in the right direction. You may find that you need more help and I encourage you to seek out professional counseling in your local area.


Practical tips:

·         Share your story with a safe person

·         Remind yourself (as often as necessary) that you are a VICTOR a           conqueror, victory is yours

·         Take risk to trust again

·         Step outside of your comfort zone (baby steps) and challenge               yourself

o   If you were physically abused take a self-defense class

o   If you were betrayed by a close friend, try making a new       friend

·         Pray and journal - track your healing progress

·         Read: John 5 and Romans 8:37 for daily encouragement

·         As you see growth, share that hope with someone else

Healing is possible!!!!!!




What is it? Unlike traditional face to face counseling where an individual or couple goes to a counseling office, online video counseling is conducted via the internet using video software. With a good internet or WIFI connection, one is able to utilize this service with their smartphone, tablet, or desktop computer.